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Disclaimer: Contains spoilers

Yup! The ‘London Thumakda’ Dance was the first thing that I learnt. Now, I am pushing my friends to get married so that I can perform it on their wedding & upload the pics on Facebook.

Anyway, the ‘Thumakda’ step I learned from the teaser, in this post I am going to share what I learnt from the movie.

15. The Bro-Code

You’ve no idea how liberating it was for me to know that I am not the only one to be chaperoned by her younger brother. In my teens, my friends would call me ‘Buy one get one free’

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14. How to fix a Writer’s Block

Every screenplay writer faces this in her/his career when to a situation no matter what scene s/he comes up with, it has already been done to death in several movies.

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Here, the writers of Queen shows us the easy way out. Just make your character say;

Dus filmon mein dus hero try kar chuke hain

And, voila! The old ghisa pita boy meets a girl library scene gets a refreshing makeover!

13. How to make a Best-Friend in a foreign land

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So you’re in a city where you don’t speak the common tongue, don’t know a thing & are pretty much as lost as Alice was in Lewis Caroll’s wonderland. Don’t worry, all you’ve to do is to find a Mad Hatter to show you around. Now, how to do that! Simple, catch her/him while having sex. Then no matter who you are, where you’re, the person’ll hunt you to ask;

You tell my boss I had sex in the guest-room?

Now that you know the secret that a single, hash aficionado mom, living in Paris likes to have sex, she’ll be bound to save you from the police & take you to the parties.

12. How to ‘Shut Up’ a friend who just wouldn’t stop crying

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Admit it, we all have been in Lisa Haydon’s place. All dressed up & pretty, sitting in a pub; a super hot guy has just asked us out for dance but we can’t move- our friend just got dumped by her boy-friend. So, you know it’s your night to be a baby sitter to that crying girl.

No more.

Whenever, this happens just play a Bollywood song. Preferably this one;

And, watch your friend dance her sadness off on the floor (or bar top). If you’re lucky, you may even get a chance to see her dry humping a cabby.

11. HMTs will always hate Convent Girls

No matter where an HMT girl is, no matter what she’s sulking about, she’ll always find a way to slip in one bitchy remark about Convent School Girls. Seriously, what on earth you’ve against us?!!!

10. Indian girls aren’t allowed to burp

When in the taxi Lisa Haydon says;

Why fart & waste it, when you can burp & taste it

Kangana tells her that in India girls aren’t allowed to burp. I was so shocked. I felt cheated. Why no one ever told me about this rule? Maybe, then I could’ve stopped those obnoxious aunties from nonchalantly burping on the dining table, without covering their mouths,  without saying ‘excuse me’. When I discussed this with a friend of mine, she said, “Silly, they follow it up with an Om, so that doesn’t count as a burp.”

9. How to get your guy back

If your boyfriend has unceremoniously dumped you, don’t sob. Just click a cleavage showing selfie in the dressing room & he’ll fly over countries to beg you back in his life.

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Okay, strike this one out. I already knew it. In fact, going by FB & Twitrer DPs, everybody did.

8. Always wear a bra to a party

It doubles as a hair accessory.

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7. How to friendzone boys & still keep them tugging at your heels

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Okay, here the order of events is pretty important. Mix them up & land up in a soup.

Step 1: Be cold & borderline rude

Step 2: Come across as a racist by screaming at the sight of a black guy

Step 3: Guilt them into sleeping in a hall

Step 4: Fix breakfast for them next morning

This way they’ll come know their place & still stick around with you for yummy food.

6. How to make a Hot Italian guy notice you

Just walk in on the streets with your face buried in a map.

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I am yet to figure out the logic behind this, but it clearly worked for Rani. Maybe, like Americans are boob guys, Brits are bottom guys, Italians are map guys?

5. Everyone’s scared of Lizards

I knew it!!! I couldn’t be the only one. This movie has proved that there are only two types of people in the world. Those who are scared of Lizards. And, Liars.

4. How to get your self-esteem back?

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One word answer- Cook.

Your boy-friend has dumped you? You feel worthless? Just cook. Nothing boosts self esteem better than people going gaga over your Gol gappas. If you didn’t learn the lesson already from English Vinglish, it’s time for revision. Remember, girls you’re not strong, independent & emancipated unless you are good in the kitchen.

3. Beer Pani Puri

There’s a blink & miss scene when Alexander is having Pani Puri with beer. (I know, I can spot liquor anywhere). Anyway, I am big fan of Vodka Pani Puri, Bhaang Pani Puri, Vodka & Bhaang Pani Puri, but I’ve never tried it with beer. I can’t wait for Holi, to do this experiment.

2. How to dump a guy!

Enuff said! I love it how she does it. In such a cold blooded fashion. No reason, no justification. This is how jerks should be treated. I remember calling a darling friend of my after this movie & telling her, “I want you to watch Queen, so that you can learn what to do with your useless boy-friend, who makes you so miserable.”

She saw the movie, not dumped the guy. Yet….

AND THE #1 THING THAT I LEARNT FROM THE MOVIE IS:

Jeez that Lisa Woman is Hottttt

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